UC PROMPT 1 - LAST MINUTE REVIEW -- URGENT!!

I'm about to submit it later today, just want to check if there's anything majorly wrong with it before I do. Kind of had a crisis, realized my previous essay needed to be overhauled, kind of had to rush it but I'm much happier with the overall concept. THANK YOU!!!!!!!!

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When I was four years old, just short of the new millenium, I excitedly unwrapped my mom's new present: a Nokia cell phone with a giant antenna and a primitive, black-and-white screen which displayed only basic text, cutting edge technology at the time. Today, just over ten years later, that same phone would be seen as a relic from the past. The way I have seen technology move and transform our society throughout my life has formed the basis for my dreams and aspirations.
My enthusiasm for technology with not always the most popular growing up. My mother insisted I should pursue more "girlish" interests and the majority of my peers did not quite share the same excitement from discovering the inner workings of the computer. Nevertheless, every three weeks I would trudge home with a new, heavy book from the computers section of the library, plop it down in front of the family PC, and set out to work. I was determined to figure out how computers worked, since no one would teach me beyond the very basics.
The first book I found showed me how to set up Linux and some basic terminal commands. The second, how to write simple web pages in HTML. The third, how to spice up those basic pages with CSS and JavaScript. The pages of each new book were filled with what appeared to me to be Egyptian hieroglyphics. Nevertheless, I was determined to understand the foreign symbols in the pages that lay before me. As I grew in proficiency, I was hooked. The satisfaction from a moment of epiphany from understanding a particularly troublesome concept was unrivaled by anything I had ever experienced. These early experiences set the stage for my lifelong passion for computers and technology.
Today, my interest in technology has expanded to include much more than just computers. Computing power is rising at an ever increasing rate allowing such incredible new advances such as automated cars, augmented reality, and endless other possibilities that lie just beyond our reach which have the potential to fundamentally alter society as we know it. It's an exciting time, and my ultimate goal is to be among those who are the first to bring these exciting technologies to fruition.

Source: http://www.essayforum.com/undergraduate-essays-2/uc-prompt-last-minute-review-urgent-44972/

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